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SPECIAL CHILDREN - SPECIAL DAY
by Carol Novis
Jerusalem Post, Dec. 18, 2003
Nine years on, an innovative program has provided hundreds of children with a bar/bat mitzva day they will never forget.
This week, Judith Edelman-Green of Kfar Saba received the 2003 Liebhaber Prize for Religious Tolerance by the Schechter Institute of Jewish Studies, for her work in Jewish education with special needs children.
She was awarded the prize in recognition of her efforts to show that children who have physical or mental problems are not necessarily limited emotionally or spiritually, and can have a bar or bat mitzva.
 These children come from all streams of Judaism — secular, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox and Haredi — and from diverse ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds, in keeping with the belief that they too, regardless of their limitations, are entitled to be called to the Torah.
This is what a special needs bar/bat mitzva is like: The synagogue is decorated, the kiddush is ready in the hall, there's a palpable hum of excitement from nervous youngsters dressed in their best, proud parents, guests and teachers. It could be any bar or bat mitzva — except that it isn't quite.
For unlike most bar/bat mitzva youngsters, who sail through a Haftorah reading and a short sermon, these are children for whom even walking and talking can be a challenge.
Some have mild retardation, others have cerebral palsy, still others have Down syndrome, autism, hearing disabilities and severe behavioral and learning disabilities.
When the big moment arrives, some children manage to walk by themselves to the bima (lectern) Others are pushed in wheelchairs.
Those who can, read from the Torah; those who can't, read a blessing, or in some cases, press a button on a recording machine.
Finally, candies rain on the heads of each relieved and excited youngster, grinning with pride, relief and accomplishment.
There are more than a few tears among onlookers, for these are youngsters who might very well not have celebrated the traditional Jewish coming of age with an aliya to the Torah.
The Masorti movement's Bar/Bat Mitzva program for the Special Child, directed by Judith Edelman-Green, has made it possible.
It all started when Judith, who has an MA degree in Jewish education, was hired as director of education for the Masorti movement. She worked with many projects, including those in schools and congregations, before Rabbi Reuven Hammer suggested involving special needs children.
"The idea was to do a one-time bar mitzva for children with cerebral palsy. I turned to two special education educators, Susie Dvoskin and Gila Vogel, and they wrote a curriculum which included the idea of each child giving a personal blessing.
"Since we felt it was important for the children to be on the giving end of things too, they all made Purim baskets for their teachers. I recorded the ceremony on video, which was so touching that people could hardly watch it without crying. One child did the blessings with her chin. Another pointed to the words, and we showed them on an overhead projector.
"That gave me the idea of continuing, and bringing the possibility of bar/bat mitzva to children all over the country. It was clear that these children were falling between the cracks. This program filled a real need."
It's now almost a decade since the innovative program began, and its founders can count impressive achievements. Some 36 special education schools around the country now take part, with 300 children a year celebrating bar or bat mitzva. The children have a wide range of disabilities — Down's Syndrome, autism, hearing disorders, retardation, learning disabilities — but no difficulty will ever disbar a child from the program.
"We don't say no to anyone," declares Judith. "There's no way anyone can fail. The minimum each child does is give a blessing and the maximum is as much as they can do. If they can't speak, they use sign language or some other form of communication, such as pressing a button on a recorder."
There are 20 teachers in the program, some special education teachers, and others who are trained to teach. "What we look for is a sensitive person with a Jewish background."
These days, many schools see the program as an integral part of the school year, and children who have seen their older classmates celebrate bar/bat mitzva are eager to have their turn. Most parents too are pleased. But it wasn't always that way.
"In the beginning, a lot of schools and parents were very wary, because it was run under the auspices of the Masorti (Conservative movement.) Many parents weren't really sure that it was okay for children in wheelchairs to be called to the Torah, and there were many who were uncomfortable about the fact that girls were also called to the Torah."
But as parents became more familiar with the program, opposition faded.
Judith tells of a haredi father, whom she met in a school for children with CP and retardation, when she met with parents to explain the program. "When I explained that girls are called up, I fully expected that he would say 'no thank you.' Instead, he said 'thank you so much.' I thought he hadn't understood, and explained again. He said, 'No one else would treat my child like a Jew.'
On the whole, I've found people very open, perhaps because dealing with disabilities makes them so."
Judith raises most of the necessary budget (parents don't pay) from grant money, from donations and some from the Ministry of Education. "It's a big struggle, particularly now that so many people and institutions here and abroad are feeling the pinch."
Personally, she says, "I've learned such a lot about tenacity, about not giving up. Some of the kids find it so hard to walk or talk, but they work and work to prepare for their bar mitzva. Every human being has something that we feel we can't do as well as other people. Yet we can still be a giving part of a community. These kids are inspirational. They have such hard lives, and yet this process brings them so much joy.
"There have been wonderful moments over the years. Sometimes I'll walk into a school, and a child who has had a bar mitzva will see me and start reciting a blessing.
I've learned that you have to say a blessing for the small things in life. Perfection is an illusion. And I've learned that no matter what the handicap, it's still possible to be a giving part of a community."
How parents feel
Dr Gila Vogel, who conducted research into the program to earn her PhD, held interviews with parents, many of whom had been sceptical before their children became involved. The results were almost uniformly positive and in many cases showed a change of heart and attitude before and after the ceremony.
Almost a hundred parents from 17 schools were sent questionnaires, and just over 64% replied. Of those, 30 were interviewed once, and 29 a further time.
Asked why they allowed their children to take part in the bar/bat mitzva ceremony, many said initially they just went along with it, without any particularly enthusiastic feelings.
"It wasn't our choice — it was part of the school program and so we agreed," was a common reaction. "We didn't want him to be different."
At the same time, most parents recognized that a bar mitzva was important, since it marks the transition towards adulthood, and is an exciting and normative experience for a 13-year-old. Had they not been offered this program, half of the families of boys said they would have done "something" religious to mark the bar mitzva. The rest said they wouldn't, because there was no way to arrange a bar mitzva, because they felt their community was not accepting of such a bar mitzv, because they felt their children couldn't do it, or because not all synagogues encourage boys with retardation to be called to the Torah.
Asked about their thoughts after the special needs bar/bat mitzva, 99% thought it was "wonderful." On a scale of 1-6 of general satisfaction, the mean response was 5.7. A high number also said they would recommend the experience to other parents.
Many parents felt that they too were accepted, not just children, and not just pushed to the side. Many had had very low expectations and were "surprised" at what their children could do.
Since the program is sponsored by the Masorti (Conservative) movement, girls were part of the program as well as boys. For some religious parents, this was a dilemma, and indeed, some did not allow their daughters to participate in the actual ceremony. Most parents though, agreed, since, as one put it, "For my daughter to have this experience, I was willing to pay the price." Some expressed delighted afterwards that their daughters had had a significant Jewish experience.
What parents found most positive about the ceremony was the feeling of belonging that the child expressed. They felt it had contributed to the child's self-confidence, and many particularly mentioned the fact that a rabbi conducted the ceremony and blessed each child.
For some, the bar/bat mitzva experience had awakened Jewish feelings.
One father, for example, who was divorced and had never visited the school before, found that the bar mitzva of his son had aroused his interest in his son's education. Another father, of Russian origin, commented that it helped him to understand his roots, since he himself had never had a bar mitzva.
As for the children, in some it marked not just a memorable experience, but the beginning of a new independence. Said one mother, "My daughter found the courage to go on a sleep-away school trip for the first time after her bat mitzva."
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